go.Jimmy.go

There are certain words in the English language that require no explanation.

Love.

Money.

Bacon.

And perhaps the most important of all:

Coffee.

I considered coming up with a clever title for this post. Ode to Coffee, Java-Licious and the always-classy Joe Momma all crossed my mind. But sometimes you shouldn’t mess with perfection.

So we’re just calling this one Coffee.

Coffee has been an important part of my morning routine for as long as I can remember. That wonderful dark-brewed concoction that somehow manages to turn the first few incoherent minutes of consciousness into something resembling actual human behavior.

It also goes remarkably well with a good book.

I’ve often wondered about the first person who discovered coffee. Legend traces its origins back centuries to Ethiopia, and I’d like to think the reaction to that first cup went something like this:

“Wait a minute. I suddenly don’t hate mornings anymore.”

It must have been one of those pivotal moments in human history. Fire. The wheel. Central Air Conditioning. The Snow Blower. Coffee.

Civilization was finally getting somewhere.

And yet, despite everything coffee has given us, I sometimes think we’ve lost our way.

Because somewhere along the line, coffee stopped being coffee.

It’s 2026, and now you can walk into a coffee shop and order something containing three different kinds of milk, caramel drizzle, vanilla foam, whipped cream, chocolate syrup and enough sprinkles to make a Dairy Queen employee jealous.

That’s not coffee. That’s a sundae with a driver’s license.

Look, I’m a simple man. Give me a large cup of coffee, a little cream, some sugar and I’m happy.

Okay, maybe a lot of sugar. We’ll get to that.

Because coffee isn’t merely something I drink. There’s a ritual involved.

Back in the day, half the enjoyment was getting into the car with friends and announcing, “Let’s go get coffee.”

Nobody needed further explanation.

You didn’t ask where. You didn’t ask why.

You went. Coffee was the destination.

And when you finally arrived, there was no discussion about oat milk, cold foam or whether you wanted your drink “shaken.”

You ordered coffee. Then you prepared it properly.

Which brings me to something I’ve spent decades perfecting.

The perfect cup of coffee.

There are four steps.

1. Always Order the Large

Twenty ounces. Venti. Extra large. Bucket-sized. Whatever they call the biggest reasonably sized container, that’s the one you want.

Nothing is worse than enjoying a cup of coffee and suddenly realizing you’ve reached the bottom.

Coffee should last.

The final sip should leave you completely satisfied. Not wishing you’d ordered more and not wondering whether your heart is about to explode.

Just right.

Goldilocks understood the concept.

2. Never Let Someone Else Prepare It

This rule is non-negotiable.

Give it to me black. I’ll take it from there.

I’ve learned through experience that asking someone else to add “two creams” can produce wildly different results.

At some places, two creams means exactly that. At others, two creams apparently means:

“Keep pouring until you can no longer prove coffee was ever involved.”

I don’t want beige milk. I want coffee.

So hand me the black stuff and step away…. slowly.

3. Two Creamers

That’s it.

Two.

Enough to take the edge off and give the coffee a slightly lighter appearance without completely destroying its identity.

When I’m finished, you should still be able to look into the cup and say:

“Yep. That’s coffee.”

If it looks like something you’d pour over cereal, you’ve gone too far.

4. Six Sugars

And here we go. Approximately six packets of sugar.

I can already feel some of you judging me.

“Six?!?”

Yes.

Six.

Not some mysterious pink, blue or yellow packet containing something invented in a laboratory.

Sugar.

Good old-fashioned sugar.

Sometimes six and a half if I’m feeling particularly reckless.

And before the black-coffee crowd starts clearing its throat, save it.

I know you’re out there. You drink coffee straight from the pot with nothing in it and somehow believe this makes you tougher than the rest of us.

That’s wonderful. I’m very proud of you. Now let me put my six sugars in peace.

Because a little sweetness is necessary in life.

Apparently, in my case, a little sweetness means six packets.

So be it.

The funny thing is, coffee has changed tremendously over the years, but the reason we drink it really hasn’t.

It’s comfort.

It’s routine.

It’s sitting at the kitchen table before everyone else wakes up. It’s catching up with an old friend at a coffee shop. It’s grabbing a cup before work or stopping at the drive-thru on a road trip.

It’s that first warm sip on a cold morning. And sometimes it’s simply the thing standing between you and saying something you’ll regret at 8:07 a.m.

Whether it comes from Starbucks, Dunkin’, McDonald’s, Wawa, a neighborhood coffee shop or the Keurig sitting on your kitchen counter, coffee remains one of life’s great little pleasures.

So tomorrow morning, when you pour that first cup, take a moment. Think about all the generations of coffee drinkers who came before us.

Think about those ancient people who somehow figured out that roasting a bean, grinding it up and pouring hot water through it would make getting out of bed slightly less miserable. We owe them a tremendous debt.

Then add two creamers.

Six sugars.

Give it a good stir.

Take a sip.

And remember the most important rule of all:

Enjoy responsibly.

And please…

don’t talk to me until after I’ve had mine.

---

My new novel, The Seventh Echo is available now from 
Adverse City Publishing
© 2026 James Wood