Category: Dreams

Special Offer on Paperback Version of ‘Beyond What We Know’

Amazon and Barnes & Noble may currently be out of stock of the paperback version of my new novel, “Beyond What We Know,” but you can now get a special deal by ordering the book directly through my publisher.

For a limited time, you can purchase the paperback version of Beyond What We Know for just $13 (plus tax & s/h) simply by using coupon code gojimmygo at checkout. That’s an almost 20% discount!

Click here to read more and to order.

Synopsis:

Riddled with guilt over the death of his father, high school graduate Mike Collins spends his last summer at home disquieted by thoughts of leaving behind his mother and first love as he prepares to depart for college. Unbeknownst to him, Mike will soon meet his musical hero, Chris Steele, whose perspective of life will teach him to believe in the possibility of second chances. Filled with rich imagery from the 1980s, “Beyond What We Know” is a coming-of-age story exploring life’s obstacles, the music and the machinery, while illuminating the power of friendship with the metaphysical transcendence of the unknown, and an ending you’ll never see coming.

Praise for “Beyond What We Know”:

Loved this Book!

This book kept me enthralled from start to finish, it was very hard to put down. The struggles Mike went through really made you think about your own life. Just when I thought I knew what was about to happen there was a twist and Oh boy what an ending. Loved all the references from the 80’s.

~ T.C. (Amazon Review)

Couldn’t Put It Down

Jim Wood’s writing style makes for an easy read and I appreciated the detailed storytelling as the sights, sounds, sensations, and scents of each moment were brought to life to propel the plot forward. Fun reading and makes you think a little about life, love, and loss.

~ J Weaver (Amazon Review)

Couldn’t Put This Book Down Once I Started!!!

An absolutely amazing, creative, and heart felt story!!! A real page turner with entertaining references of the 80s mixed into a coming of age story that everyone will love reading! Don’t miss out!

~ Mike34 (Barnes & Noble)

Made Me Stop and Think

This book surprised me in the best way. Beyond What We Know made me stop and think about my own memories and how quickly time slips by. It’s tender, a little bittersweet, and filled with moments that feel so real you’ll swear you’ve lived them too. If you’re looking for a story that lingers with you long after you’ve finished, this is it.

~ Dale Wilson (GoodReads)

Thanks so much to everyone who’s read the story of Mike Collins and Chris Steele so far! Keep the reviews coming!

Book Signing Wrap-Up: Beyond What We Know

Just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who came out to the first book signing for “Beyond What We Know” at Barnes & Noble Southmont Plaza in Easton, PA on Saturday, September 6th. It was an amazing and surreal event.

I met so many wonderful people, signed dozens of copies of the book, handed out bookmarks, cover cards and stickers, and also had anyone and everyone sign my 11×17 poster of the book cover to commemorate the occasion. There was even one person who had purchased my first novel “Neapolitan Sky,” and brought it to the event for me to sign as well.

If you missed the signing and want to learn more about “Beyond What We Know,” check it out on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. You can even read a few sample chapters of the story. There’s also an in-depth interview I recently did about the book for Medium which answers a lot of behind the scenes questions, including inspiration, dedications and the writing process itself.

Please be sure to leave a review on your favorite sites and add “Beyond What We Know” to your GoodReads “Want to Read” list! Looking forward to sharing more events soon!

I hope you all enjoy reading the story of Mike Collins and Chris Steele as much as I did writing it!

Beyond What We Know – One Week Away!

We are now officially one week away from the release of my new 232-page book, “Beyond What We Know!” It’s been such an amazing journey getting here and I’m so excited to finally be able to share this story with you.

Here are some things to prepare you for the story of Mike Collins and Chris Steele:

Trailer 1: The first trailer for the book:

Synopsis:

Riddled with guilt over the death of his father, high school graduate Mike Collins spends his last summer at home disquieted by thoughts of leaving behind his mother and first love as he prepares to depart for college. Unbeknownst to him, Mike will soon meet his musical hero, Chris Steele, whose perspective of life will teach him to believe in the possibility of second chances.

Filled with rich imagery from the 1980s, “Beyond What We Know” is a coming-of-age story exploring life’s obstacles, the music and the machinery, while illuminating the power of friendship with the metaphysical transcendence of the unknown with an ending you’ll never see coming.

Trailer 2: The second trailer for the book:

New Interview:

Read my latest interview for some behind the scenes info about Beyond What We Know.

Book Signing:

If you’re in the Easton, PA area, I’ll be doing a book signing event at the Southmont Plaza Barnes & Noble on Saturday, September 6. More info can be found here.

My first novel “Neapolitan Sky” with “Beyond What We Know

Goodreads:

Are you on Goodreads? If so, please add “Beyond What We Know” to your Want to Read list and give it a review.

Trailer 3: The third trailer for the book:

Pre-order Beyond What We Know:

You can pre-order the new book on Amazon here. Pre-order the new book on Barnes & Noble here.

Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement during this project. The wait is almost over!

‘Beyond What We Know’ – Paperback Edition Pre-Order

Pre Order “Beyond What We Know”

I’m so excited to share the news that the paperback version of my new 232-page novel, “Beyond What We Know,” is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Click here to be taken to the pre-order page where you can find out all the details. The book officially arrives on August 31st.

Synopsis:

Riddled with guilt over the death of his father, high school graduate Mike Collins spends his last summer at home disquieted by thoughts of leaving behind his mother and first love as he prepares to depart for college. Unbeknownst to him, Mike will soon meet his musical hero, Chris Steele, whose perspective of life will teach him to believe in the possibility of second chances.

Filled with rich imagery from the 1980s, “Beyond What We Know” is a coming-of-age story exploring life’s obstacles, the music and the machinery, while illuminating the power of friendship with the metaphysical transcendence of the unknown.

Official Trailer:

Early reviews:

“Beyond What We Know” is the kind of story that hits both heart and memory. It’s grief, growth, and a second chance wrapped in 80s nostalgia and music. For fans
of coming-of-age stories with soul, this one’s calling.”

“A tender, nostalgic journey through grief, growth, and the unexpected ways we heal. Set against a vivid 1980s backdrop, this coming-of-age tale reminds us that even in our darkest moments, music, friendship, and second chances can light the way. A must read!”

Beyond What We Know

I am excited to announce that my new 232-page novel, “Beyond What We Know” is coming Summer 2025. It’s my first novel since 2018’s “Neapolitan Sky.” Check out the first cover reveal photo on the right.

The book has been a work in progress for nearly 7 years but some challenges, including a global pandemic, put things on the back burner, until now!

Here’s a synopsis for “Beyond What We Know”:

“Riddled with guilt over the death of his father, high school graduate Mike Collins spends his last summer at home disquieted by thoughts of leaving behind his mother and first love as he prepares to depart for college. Unbeknownst to him, Mike will soon meet his musical hero, Chris Steele, whose perspective of life will teach him to believe in the possibility of second chances.

Filled with rich imagery from the 1980s, “Beyond What We Know” is a coming-of-age story exploring life’s obstacles, the music and the machinery, while illuminating the power of friendship with the metaphysical transcendence of the unknown.”

Here is the official trailer for “Beyond What We Know”:

In the weeks ahead watch this space for more info about the new book, including the full cover reveal, behind the scenes stories about the book’s origin, giveaways and more. I’m also in the process of arranging book signing events, so hopefully I’ll see you out there.

I’m so excited about this book and can’t wait for you to check it out.

Beyond What We Know – My New Novella

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 7 years since the release of my last book, “Neapolitan Sky,” but I’m happy to announce that my brand new novella, “Beyond What We Know,” is set for release this summer. I’ll be using my site to share updates along the way, including the cover reveal, a chapter or two, some behind the scenes stories, giveaways and more. I hope you’ll be along for the ride.

In the meantime, I’d like to share the trailer for the book and a synopsis of “Beyond What We Know.”

Beyond What We Know – Synopsis:

“Riddled with guilt over the death of his father, high school graduate Mike Collins spends his last summer at home disquieted by thoughts of leaving behind his mother and first love as he prepares to depart for college. Unbeknownst to him, Mike will soon meet his musical hero, Chris Steele, whose perspective of life will teach him to believe in the possibility of second chances.

Filled with rich imagery from the 1980s, “Beyond What We Know” is a coming-of-age story exploring life’s obstacles, the music and the machinery, while illuminating the power of friendship with the metaphysical transcendence of the unknown.”

Arriving Summer 2025

Birthday Reflections at 55

October 5th, 2024 – My 55th birthday.

This is the fourteenth entry in my series of annual birthday reflections. Something I started doing shortly after I began my writing journey in the fall of 2011. As I sit here now, drinking coffee on this beautiful fall Saturday morning, it’s hard to believe that I’m exactly half-way through my fifties.

It seems like it was only yesterday I was the youthful teenager driving my pals around in a beat-up 1973 Toyota station wagon, hauling my guitar to lesson every week, going to the Palmer Park Mall on Friday nights after school, pouring millions of dollars worth of quarters from summer lawn mowing money into video game cabinets, having my fill of Orange Julius and wishing I could somehow muster up the courage to go over and talk to the cute girl who was standing with her friends outside of the Listening Booth record store. 

Wasn’t I the one who was able to go to rock concerts and stay up until the wee hours of the morning? Sitting in some dingy downtown diner deep into the night; chain smoking cigarettes, eating french fries smothered in imitation cheese sauce and drinking gallons of coffee. Talking with my friends about our plans to take on the world and make all of our dreams come true. And who could possibly forget singing ̶h̶o̶r̶r̶i̶f̶i̶c̶ beautiful three-part acapella versions of Eagles songs in the parking lot until 2 a.m. until we finally called it a night. Then to get home and lay there alone in the dark, listening to the whirring sound of a portable fan and feeling excited about the possibility of everything we’d just talked about coming true, before finally drifting off to sleep. These days, I’m lucky if I can stay up past 10 p.m.

There’s an odd sense of immortality you have when you’re young that makes you believe time will always stand still. One that pulls you close and then whispers in your ear, telling you that you’ll never be as old as your parents. But then one day you take a nap and unknowingly wake up in their role and realize your parents are gone and time waits for no one. 

To give you some perspective, my father died twenty-seven years ago this month at the age of 51. As of today, my birthday, I’ve outlived him by four years. My mother died in March of 2020, almost five years ago. This year, one of the friends who made those many coffee and cheese fry runs with me has been gone for ten years, and I recently heard the news about another classmate I knew quite well who had passed away unexpectedly.

A few years ago I stumbled upon my Easton Area Middle School student ID card. It was hiding beneath a pile of old knick knacks and memories in the crawl space of my basement. Why I decided to keep it all these years I’ll never know, but seeing it reminded me of the day the teacher handed them out in the fall of 1980. It was the first time I ever received a photo identification card of any kind, and although I didn’t much care for my fresh-faced goofy grin photo on the front, there was something printed on the back of the now worn, laminated card that had immediately caught my attention.

There among my bus route and home room numbers were the words, “YR GRAD-87.” It was the first time I saw the year of my future high school graduation (1987) and the first time I believed it was so very far away. To this shy eleven-year-old boy, seven years seemed like an eternity. The very idea of a youthful me not only seeing the year 1987 but eventually living in the year 2000 and beyond was the equivalent of having a starring role in The Jetsons or a Star Wars movie. It was inconceivable for me to even comprehend living in the space age. My parents were both very much alive at the time as well as both sets of grandparents and all of my classmates and friends. I didn’t have a job, or any roles and responsibilities for that matter, and the only things I looked forward to back in 1980 was Pizza Friday at school, my birthday, Christmas and summer vacation. As far as I was concerned, seven years away could’ve been seven hundred. 

Fast forward and here I am now, sitting on a couch with a scruffy gray beard and a bit thick in the middle, celebrating the double nickel birthday thirty-seven years post high school and twenty-four years beyond the year 2000. It’s mind boggling to think that we’re almost 25% of the way through another century. Back in 1980, I thought I had all the time I’d ever need, and now I often find myself feeling the urge to make the most of the time I have left. 

As many of you know, I suffered a bimalleolar ankle fracture back in February. It was the first time I had ever broken a bone in my life and had to have surgery. One of the worst and scariest things to ever happen to me. I was laid up for what felt like an eternity, so when the doctor finally looked at the x-ray of my healed bones weeks later and told me to get up and walk, the emotion I felt was almost Biblical. I’m so grateful to be back walking, although my ankle does make a point of reminding me nearly every day about what happened. The doctor said it will probably take up to a year before things get back to “normal,” whatever that is. I’m thankful for everyone who took the time to wish me well, bring me over a coffee or mow the lawn while I was laid up in the cast and boot. As a side note I will say that, in addition to the wheel and central air conditioning, the knee scooter is one of the greatest things ever invented by man.

Now that I’m back on two feet let’s finish this birthday post by talking about what’s going on now, in the present day. In addition to continuing to do interviews—hopefully, you’ve read a few of them over the years, I’m still writing and doing watercolor painting. Both of which have been great forms of stress relief. 

I think I may celebrate this day by spending some time at an old-school arcade in Allentown. One targeted to Generation X that still has all of the retro game cabinets. There’s no need to drop quarters into the machines anymore – it’s pay one price for unlimited play, which is a good thing considering I’ve been out of practice for the last forty years. And while I’m being annihilated by the invaders of Galaga and Zaxxon, I’ll reminisce about my friends who’ve moved on as well as the coffee and cheese fries—especially now that I’m eligible for the 55+ discount menu! I’ll also think about the plans and dreams we made that came true, and the ones still left to find.

In the meantime, I hope this day and my next trip around the sun brings all of us a newfound sense of hope, peace and most of all, love. 

Jim

Rock Star Moment: That Time I Played Musikfest

Me – August 6th, 2004

Even though it happened twenty years ago today, it still feels like it was yesterday.

I was standing alone in my upstairs bathroom. Just an introverted thirty-four-year-old man looking at himself in the mirror — and shaking like a leaf. It was 3 p.m. and very soon I’d have to muster up the courage to get in my 2001 Ford Focus and drive over to South Bethlehem for sound check.

August 6th, 2004 is a day I will NEVER forget.

I suppose it’s best to give you a little bit of the back story before I continue on with this tale of one of my greatest memories. So here goes:

From the day I first picked up my grandmother’s hand-held tomato slicer as a seven-year-old boy, pretended it was a guitar and did my best Ace Frehley interpretation, it’s been my dream – shredding my guitar (not tomatoes) on a huge stage while staring out into a sea of people. And so began the pre-Internet days of callused fingers, long walks downtown to the music store for weekly lessons and countless hours spent practicing Mel Bay scales and Metal Method mail-order licks.

Unfortunately, my newfound interest in music, repetitive practice and Les Paul guitars also brought with it the constant torment and ridicule from my siblings and their friends. Many of whom did not mince words when they told me that what I was doing would never amount to anything. But rather than wallow in denial and self-pity, their words only served to reinforce my passion.

So while other kids of the MTV generation hung out with friends after school tossing a Nerf football or playing Atari, I spent most afternoons trying to figure out how Eddie Van-Halen got his Kung-Fu. I was so sure of what the future held for me that I even wrote entries into my journal describing all of the lavish purchases I would make and all of things that were going to happen to me after I had officially “made it” as a rock star.

— on a side note, I’m still waiting for the hordes of beautiful women to chase me down the streets of New York City. Get with the program, ladies.

Yes, I had dreamed about that rock star moment for twenty years…. and suddenly, TODAY of all days, the wait was finally going to be over.

On August 6th, 2004, our band was going to be the opening act for Clay Aiken at Musikfest – on the biggest stage of them all! Yes, THE Clay Aiken!

OK, before you start giggling uncontrollably, remember this. Clay Aiken had just placed second in season two of American Idol and was almost on the same level as Justin Bieber at the height of his fame. That is to say, people were going absolutely bonkers for him. At the time, it was the fastest sellout in the festival’s history (6,000+ people) and we had the greatest singer ever in our arsenal, who’s soaring vocals had gotten us the gig.

News from the day – August 6th, 2004 (SOLD OUT)

And yet here I was, standing in the bathroom trying to keep from hurling my lunch. A complete nervous wreck! 

To this day, I’m not sure how I held it all together. Somehow, my “Rock Star Moment” was here, and I wasn’t about to let it slip away. Grabbing my Les Paul and a blue-flamed doo rag, I slowly made the pilgrimage to Bethlehem.

The rest of that evening was a bit of a whirlwind for me. There was time spent setting up gear in front of the stage, testing guitar levels and watching the thousands of people standing in line waiting to get in. Then there was the anticipation of going out there and feeling a rush no drug could ever deliver.

The crowd – Musikfest August 6th, 2004

Prior to August 6th, the most people I had ever played for was maybe 50 in some smoky bar at two in the morning. And even though I was fully aware that the audience wasn’t there to see us, I got to taste the experience of walking out on stage in front of six-thousand people for thirty minutes!! Finally looking out, instead of always looking in.

I liked what I saw.

Led Foot at Musikfest – August 6th, 2004

I’ve never had that kind of experience since and most likely never will again, but it doesn’t even matter. It was the love of music, a lot of hard work, and a little bit of luck that the cosmos aligned that particular summer night – and it was the beginning of a special journey we would all share together as a band. That experience also transitioned into one of my favorite quotes I still use to this day:

“Every once in a great while the universe tilts in your direction. You better be ready.”

As a seven-year-old boy imitating his guitar hero on a vegetable slicer it seemed like such a far away dream. But just the idea of having a dream – no matter how small it might be or how long it takes you to achieve, is something that doesn’t fade after the music stops and the lights go out. It’s only then that you realize that dreams do indeed come true, and the magic of the dream becomes a part of you forever. You just have to be ready.

On August 6th, 2004, twenty years ago today, I was ready – and that magic became a part of me.

To Heather, Todd, Kevin and Rick…. We did it, baby!

Top Five Things of 2022

It’s sometimes hard to believe that we’re at the end of another year, let alone that we’re in the third decade of the 21st century. I still remember when I got my very first laminated school identification card back in September of 1981. On the back of it was a sticker that listed the year of what would be my high school graduation – 1987.

I remember staring at that card for a long time thinking about 1987 and, even though it was only six years, how far away it seemed to be. For some perspective – this past year, 2022, I attended my 35th high school reunion.

A lot has happened over the course of these last twelve months. I’d like to spend these next few minutes giving you a list of my top five events of 2022.

#5 – The Loss of Favorite Teachers. Hey, I never said this list was going to only contain good things. Not only did 2022 mark the 25th anniversary of the death of my father, it was also the year I said goodbye to two of my favorite teachers. First was my favorite teacher in all of my schooling; my high school music theory and choir teacher, Edward Milisits, who died on January 8th. I could easily write an entire book on how Mr. M and his classes affected my life. His influence was so popular that after his retirement from 30+ years of teaching, generations of former students (now adults) signed up to sing in his choir.

Then there’s my third grade teacher, Mrs. Tanzella, who passed away in November. Although I don’t have much recollection of her after I left the halls of Porter Elementary, I’ll never forget the day my brother and I rode on a float the Cub Scouts had made during our town’s annual Halloween parade. I had told Mrs. Tanzella how nervous and scared I was about riding and waving to people. As the route began and we made our way through town, I heard a woman’s voice calling my name. I looked and saw that it was Mrs. Tanzella, briskly walking behind the float; waving to me with a huge smile on her face. Seeing her put me at ease.

These days I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night, but 45 years later, I can still remember her doing that for me.

#4 – This one actually dates back to one year ago today, December 31st, 2021. The day I adopted Merlot, or Merle as he is known in my home. He had been part of a hoarding situation and I gave him a second chance at life. It took him nearly five days into 2022 to come out from under the bed. Today, he is my buddy.

#3Painting Holiday Watercolor Cards. As most of you know, I regularly watercolor. Most of them are 9×12 in size. For Christmas this year I was asked to paint a few 5×7 postcards to use as Christmas cards. I started out thinking I would only do a half dozen or so. Instead, I wound up doing 60 of them. I’m happy to say that, like Merle, all of the cards now have happy homes. Take a peek at them below:

#2 – Interviewing Barry Manilow. This one is surreal and sad because when I was growing up, my mother would play Barry Manilow records non-stop. There was hardly a day when I would come home from school and not hear “Mandy,” “Weekend in New England,” or “Copacabana” playing on the stereo. My mom loved Barry Manilow. And even though we’d always tell her that we believed he was gay (turns out, he was) she claimed he wasn’t and would have left my dad to be with him. In September of this year, I actually got to interview him. I placed a photograph of my mom next to me and looked at it as I spoke to Barry. I even told him the story about how much his music meant to my mom. I was sad that she wasn’t there to experience that moment with me. She would have lost her mind.

#1 Graduating from College – It was a journey that actually began after graduating high school. It was August of 1987 when I entered college thinking I’d become a music teacher. The road would lead me to Penn State, Northampton Community College and West Chester University. All fizzled out and in 1990, I reluctantly entered the work force. When Covid struck in 2020 and we couldn’t go anywhere, I decided to gather all of my transcripts and see what, if anything, I could get. I was told that if I passed five courses I would receive an Associates Degree in General Studies. The quest began, and over the next year and a half I took Environmental Science, English II, Geology, Developmental Psychology and Nature of Mathematics, In May of 2022 I passed my last final and became an honors college graduate almost 35 years to the day after graduating high school. Framing the degree and putting it on my wall was the biggest accomplishment of all for me.

So, another year is about to pass. Along the way there have been a few ups & downs. Some days to remember, and some days to forget. But there’s a New Year ahead and new dreams to collect. So, I wish you one that’s full of health, contentment and most of all….love. Here’s to 2023.

Happy New Year.

A Silver Lining

2020 has been the absolute worst year of my life.

I know, it probably has been for you as well. But my streak of bad started way before the corona virus and debating the usefulness of masks while hating each other. For me, the black cloud hovering over my head began last October when I lost my beloved dog, Doodle, three days before I turned 50. That single event set the wheels of gloom in motion.

It really began in early March of this year when my mother suffered a fatal stroke and, a week later, the Covid-19 lockdown officially began. I do writing on the side and was grateful to be able to continue to work from home with my real job in IT.

Unfortunately, one month after quarantine began, I was told that my position had been eliminated, effective immediately. My company offered to pay me until the end of the month. This was contingent upon them overnighting all the things at my desk along with a box for me to return my laptop and other company equipment.

I used those two weeks to secure a contract position at another company. The bummer of it was, the new job didn’t start for eighteen days and there would be no pay coming in. So, like thousands of other people, I applied for unemployment benefits to fill the gap and was accepted. I won’t go into great detail about my experience with the Department of Unemployment other than to say that as of this writing, I still have not received one single penny for the two-weeks unemployment they owe me. I tried calling, emailing, voicemails… all met with constant busy signals or completely ignored. I had to dig into savings in order to pay bills. The fact they still owe me for two-weeks unemployment is unsettling, but I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like for others who are going through a similar process and still haven’t found a job.

Just when I thought there might be a break in the storm, this past week I had to say goodbye to another one of my dogs. Ginger Snap, a senior pup we adopted after she was rescued from a kill shelter in 2011, and who had spent the next four years living a life filled with love and luxury, told me it was time. She had been diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease a few weeks ago and I was giving her medication that was supposed to alleviate the symptoms that were ruining her quality of life. I came downstairs on Saturday morning to find her unable to get up. It will take me a long time to get over the thought that I failed her.

So, during a period of ten months, I’ve not only become mired in this pandemic but also lost my mother, two dogs and my job. Which kind of leads me to the title of this post – The Silver Lining.

The day after Ginger went to the rainbow bridge, I went to visit my brother, who had lived with my mom in the house we all grew up in. He had recently installed windows in places of the house where none previously existed. I marveled at the sun, gleaming through the new windows and showering the space that was once our childhood bedroom in bright, summer light.

As I admired his work, he mentioned how he should’ve installed the windows twenty-five years ago and how he wished our mom would’ve been alive to see them. I agreed.

After I left the house to go home, I walked past the huge blue spruce tree lumbering in the yard. Its towering branches reaching high to the heavens like it had always done even before I was born. I suddenly remembered how deathly afraid I was of that tree as a child, and how I would often have nightmares about it coming out of the ground at its roots to get me.

I decided I wanted to have a piece of that big tree to stick in my curio cabinet at home. It’s a place where I keep all of my childhood knickknacks of times gone by. I bravely reached for a low hanging limb and plucked off a tiny piece of branch. I held the small stem to my nose and breathed deeply, inhaling the faint scent of pine from something that forty-five years ago scared the living shit out of me.

That night as a lay in bed, I had a dream that I was back at my brother’s house. I can’t recall all the details, but I remember my brother and I were standing in the kitchen talking about something when in walked my mom. In the dream, she looked exactly as she did as when I was a boy, but in my heart, I knew she had died. You would think that I would be terrified at the sight of a ghost, but I wasn’t afraid to see her at all. Instead, there was something I wanted to know.

“Are you all right?” I asked. Meaning, is it ok when you die.

She nodded her head. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. “Everything is ok.”

The dream quietly transitioned into something else I can’t remember, but that revelation of seeing her still haunts me. It’s been years since I’d dreamt about my mother, and even when I did there was never a conversation that felt so visceral.

I’m not sure if what I experienced was the culmination of visiting my brother and all the things that have been happening to me in 2020, or that my mother really was trying to tell me that everything is going to be all right.

But if I had to make a choice, I like to think that it was the latter.