Category: Life

1980's, Childhood Memories, Games, Life

My Birthday Wish List

Since I assume many of you are already wondering what you should get me for my birthday next month (October 5th), I’ve taken the liberty of posting my list here in order to give you an early jump on your shopping duties.

Unfortunately, none of these items can still be found in stores, so you’ll have to poke around on E-bay in order to find them. But in an effort to help you in your search, I’ve already scoped out and gone through the trouble of pricing these items in order from low to high, so you shouldn’t have any concern over whether or not you’re spending enough. But when you think about it, can you REALLY put a price tag on a gift?

I now present to you the Five Best Presents you can get me for my birthday. Things I received as a child and would love to see again.

5. Magic Window by Wham-O ($100) You want to talk about mindless entertainment?  Look no further than this plastic circle filled with different colored sand. You maneuver it around and the sand magically transforms into different patterns. Let’s see the X-Box Kinect or Wii try to top that! Hours of fun here.

window

4. Weeble Haunted House ($300). Since there’s no Count Chocula action figure, this is the next best thing. Who ever invented the Weeble was a true genius. They always wobbled but never fell down. I love the glow in the dark ghost.

haunthouse

3. Monster Mansion (Prince Unknown) While it would be easy for you to purchase a few boxes of Monster Cereal for me, I’d much prefer the absolute HOLY GRAIL of cereal giveaways –  The Monster Mansion!! This baby retailed for $13 back in 1981 (along with a few box tops). This could be my summer home.

MonsterMansion

2. Mego Spiderman ($400) It just wouldn’t be my birthday without a visit from good ol’ Spidey. I’ve had several different Spidey action figures over the years, but never an original Mego one.  So, please do what you can to make a 46-year old boy happy this year!

spidey

And finally…..

memonster

1. Stretch Monster ($800) – C’mon, you know I’m worth it. Stretch Monster was the coolest thing ever. Much better than Stretch Armstrong. I suppose that’s why I’d only let my sister play with Armstrong. She’d NEVER be allowed to touch my Monster. Me and Stretch Monster were tight. We did everything together. Right up until that one day when he fell on some rocks and bled out.

That syrupy stuff inside him got all over, and no amount of band-aid or bandage could save him. To see him again this year would be the ultimate! 🙂

Happy Shopping!

Life

I’m No Handyman
Ok, it wasn't THIS bad. But it sure felt like it.
Ok, it wasn’t THIS bad. But it sure felt like it.

If the law of survival was such that the only way you could get food on the table was to do some kind of “handy” manual labor, I’d starve.  I’ve never been much into taking things apart and finding out what makes them tick; let alone fixing appliances or cars when they break down.

You want me to write you a story, fix your computer or paint you a Bob Ross masterpiece? I’m your man. Heck, I even take pride in the fact that I’ve been successfully mowing lawns since I was thirteen. But if you want someone who can build you a house from a set of match sticks well, you’ll need to look elsewhere. I even cringe whenever my wife brings home a new lighting fixture and asks me to simply replace the old. My first thought on situations like these is to let her know that’s its been quite a while since my brother last visited.

My brother is the handiest person I know. He finished my entire basement pretty much all by himself.  He laid the sub flooring, framed the entire thing, dry walled, primed and painted. About the only thing he didn’t do was hook up the electric and carpet the floor. When it comes to being handy, there’s pretty much nothing he can’t do.

Me? All I’m good for is holding a flashlight, a ladder or making a lunch run. But I’m OK with that. It’s not like I don’t wish that I were more handy around the house. The fact of the matter is, bad things usually happen when I am.

Take the other day for example.

It’s late at night and I’m lying in bed fully engulfed in a Stephen King novel (which in retrospect, should have been a red flag) when my wife comes in and informs me that the dishwasher isn’t working. It won’t power on at all and the entire thing is full of dishes that need to be cleaned. It’s an older unit that has seen better days, but perhaps it’s something that could easily be fixed.

The next day, I scour internet sites looking to diagnose the problem. I discover that the symptoms affecting this particular model indicate one of two things: either a faulty thermal fuse or a bad system board. It also notes that the thermal fuse is a cheap part and is a relatively easy thing to replace by yourself. That’s when the light bulb goes off in my head and I decide to tackle the job myself.

<insert ominous music here>

After obtaining the replacement fuse, I turn off the power associated with the dishwasher and slowly pull out the unit; being careful not to pull too hard to unseat the copper water line or return tubes. With screwdriver in hand, I methodically remove the eight tiny screws from the inside cover, exposing the guts of the unit where I am am quickly able to replace the thermal fuse all by myself. Feeling immortal and with a sense of job well done, I return power to the dishwasher and press the power button, fully expecting to see the green lights return.

Nothing happens.

I double-check all of my connections to prove that I did the repair properly, but still nothing. The only alternative now is that the system board has failed and will need replacing. If that’s the case, a new dishwasher certainly makes more sense. Dejected, I piece the innards of the dishwasher back together and slowly begin pushing the unit back into place when suddenly, I hear this slight hissing sound; starting out slowly at first and then getting progressively louder.

For a moment, all thought is concentrated on fire. Perhaps I screwed up the wiring after all. But as my eyes gaze down to my now sloshing feet and liquified floor, I quickly realize that the copper line has burst and water is now rushing uncontrollably into my kitchen. Sure enough, I pull the dishwasher back out and see the large crack that’s become source of the flood.

Sometimes when disaster is unfolding before your eyes, one tends to lose track of reality and oddly enough, it was at that exact moment when the legend of The Little Dutch Boy who stuck his finger in the dyke to hold back the water came to mind, and for some reason I decided to try his hypothesis.

Coming to my senses again after quickly realizing the legend was bullsh$t, I was able to turn off the main line water to the dishwasher and spent the next hour cleaning up the handy mess I had made.

Not only does this incident only reinforce my belief that me and tools are simply not compatible, but also that any job that requires the combination of the two of us together should instead be handled by professionals.

Don’t get wrong. I would love to have the euphoria of completing a handy task all by myself. I just don’t like the thought of drowning while in the process of getting there.

1980's, Cereal, Childhood Memories, Life

Thank You General Mills

Christmas came early this year. Or is it Halloween? Well, in either case, my inner child is doing one heck of a happy dance this morning. As most of you fellow cereal connoisseurs already know, The Monster Cereals have been my absolute favorite ever since I was but a wee lad. I still remember how cool it was to go with my mother to the local Food Lane and see my homies sitting there on the shelf just waiting for me.

Not only did the boys get me through some rough hunger spells growing up, but I also attribute the psychological benefits of having breakfast with a monster with helping me to overcome my introvertism. (Ok, I made up that last part).

Monster-Cereals-2013

Sadly, my beloved Count Chocula, Frankenberry and Boo Berry buddies were exiled to the latter part of the calendar year; only making their appearances on store shelves now when the weather gets cooler and monsters and trick or treating become all the rage.

Don’t get me wrong, I still do ravage local supermarkets and Target stores every September to stock up on as many as I can for the winter, and always lament the boys taking an extended vacation starting November 1st. But much like seeing the first robin in spring, I always look forward to that first box of Boo on store shelves every Autumn.

But this year will be extra special.

A few days ago General Mills (the ones who magically brought my cereal hombres to life) decided to do something special for the fans and this year are bringing back two more monsters; one of which has been MIA for more than thirty years. Just when you thought breakfast in the fall couldn’t get any better, Frute Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy will be joining the Holy Trinity of Cereal this year!

Fruit Brute (or now, FRUTE Brute for you politically correct people) was discontinued in 1982 and is considered by many collectors to be the most sought-after vintage cereal box. Not only because Brute’s a cool wolf who wears colorful suspenders, but also because the box was used by director Quentin Tarantino in his films “Reservoir Dogs” and “Pulp Fiction.”

Yummy Mummy, no stranger to succumbing to the endangered sugar list, has been gone for more than two decades himself. His triumphant return will mark the first time in history that all five boxes of Monster Cereal will be available at the same time.

When asked to comment on the return of the childhood favorites, Julie Anderla, integrated communications senior manager at General Mills had this to say: “The love for the Monsters that we make available each Halloween continues to be huge and the passion for all of them across social media is incredible. We’re bringing back Frute Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy in an effort to give our fans what they asked for.” Can’t argue with that.

But WAIT!! – It gets even better!!

RetroMonsters

As part of a special promotion with Target, all five monster cereals will be housed in their original retro art packaging!!! So it will indeed be like those days of yore when a young 44 year-old boy sees his childhood friends on the shelves, looking exactly as they did way back when.

I tried to find a way to properly express my emotion for the return of this quintet, but I decided to let Dinosaur Dracula explain how big this news really is in his review of the “new” cereal. Thanks dude!

Life, My Two Cents, Politics

My Two Cents: Always Running

“Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels. I don’t know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels. I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through. Looking into their eyes, I see them running too.”

-Running on Empty (Jackson Browne)

twocentsSome people run “for” things (noble things like charity or good health); while others run “from” them (insecurities). Then there are those people who always seem to be running.

Confused a bit? Let me explain.

People across the political spectrum in this country are heavily divided on what direction we should go. Personally, I have no problem with people having differing opinions and leaving things open for debate. It’s actually what makes our country so great.

My problem is that some of these people are always running (in this case, for public office) 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has the right to be an elected official, and you can call it wanting what’s best for the country; sour grapes or just being a sore loser. But why is it that even after all of the whistle-stops, debates, conventions and the actual election itself are over, many of the same people who lose the election are immediately running again? And why is it “news” that the same congressmen, senators, political pundits and reality television hosts (who have already demonstrated unsuccessful attempts) plan to run for president/congress again in two, four or six years from now?

Why is everyone in such a hurry for years to go by as quickly as possible?

I know. I l know. No one wants to hear “The people have spoken”; especially if you’re on the losing end of the situation. But can’t we at least give it a break for just a few months? For instance, does it really matter (right here/right now) that Donald Trump is exploring the possibility of running for president for the millionth time in 2016? Or that we’re busily talking about the November 2014 elections in August of 2013? It boggles my mind to think that people would willingly sacrifice years of their lives just to get another opportunity to get into office.

Here’s a thought. How about we all put the brouhaha about the next election off until January 1st? Let’s actually enjoy what’s left of 2013. Just once, I’d like to see the candidates that want to run again do something else instead of immediately opening exploratory committees, peddling talk shows or writing letters to the editor.

For those of you who fall into the category of always running for office, here are a few suggestions of things you can do instead:

1. Run for others: Donate time/talent to a local charity (and not just writing a check).

2. Run for your health.

3. Run to increase your artistic ability: Paint a picture or learn a musical instrument.

4. Run to increase your mental capacity: Read a book (or better yet, write one – so long as it’s NOT about politics).

When the election is over, and all the ballots have been counted find something else to run “for”. There will be plenty of time for campaign speeches, kissing babies and hand shaking later.

You’re alive, so you’ve already won. And that should count for something.

Childhood Memories, Life

Don’t Be A Buzzkill

jetsonI grew up an aficionado of science fiction. I love reading about time travel, fantasy and cool gadgets. Things that make the world a much cooler place.

The thought that we as humans can not only adapt to our surroundings, but also create things from nothing gives inspiration and hope to every child sitting at a desk in elementary school wondering if the ideas they come up with might one day come to life and change the world.

Yesterday though, I stumbled across an article that was a bit disheartening. For some reason, a bunch of nerds physics students at the University of Leicester in England decided to write a paper on the possibility of human teleportation (one of the essential modes of transportation used in any science fiction story and one that I would love to use someday beause I’m tired of driving to vacation destinations).

Their conclusion? It ain’t happening.

I’ve borrowed this from Huffington Post writer Macrina Cooper-White’s article (the rest can be found here)

Our universe has been around for 13.8 billion years. But the seriously tongue-in-cheek paper shows that at a beaming speed of 30 gigahertz, transmitting all the data within a single human would take 4,850,000,000,000,000 (4.85 quadrillion) years. The human dataset includes not only the person’s genetic code but also all the memories and knowledge stored in his/her brain. While DNA would take up about 10 billion bits, the brain’s information would bring the data total up to 2.6 x 1042 (26 followed by 41 zeroes) in bits.

The article goes on to say that even if things were done to speed up the process, it would require an impossible amount of power that’s beyond Earth’s capabilities. In other words: it’s pretty much impossible that humans will ever be able to teleport.

My response: Why be such a buzz kill? There are many examples of things whose existence I’m sure was questioned by science at one time or another.

Here are just a few:

  • The Earth being round instead of flat.
  • Electricity
  • Airplanes/Rockets
  • Open heart surgery
  • Automobiles.
  • The Internet

How about being able to push a button on your mobile device in New York City and someone in Australia can answer and then physically see what you’re doing a world away, in real time? When I was a kid, seeing George Jetson converse with Mr. Spacely in this manner in the year 2062 seemed like a dream (and cool as sh$t). And low and behold, we can now do it. It’s become the norm, and we beat The Jetsons to the punch by 50 years.

What this teleportation paper does is create doubt, something we don’t need. Don’t give us reason to give up hope. Anything is possible, and we as a society need every bit of hope we can get.

Besides, next thing you’ll do is tell me there’s no such thing as Hobbits, Spiderman or Godzilla. … and you DON’T even want go there!

Life, Movies and TV, My Two Cents

And The Weiner Is….

oscarmeyerJust a quick little rant on this fine Tuesday morning:

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted by all of the weener jokes that have been going around.

The gist of the story goes like this: Former Congressman (and now NYC mayoral candidate) Anthony Weiner continued to perform sexting rituals with women even after he had resigned in disgrace and promised taxpayers (as well as his embarrassed wife) to never to do it again.

Ever since news of the story and fresh allegations broke, you can’t read a single newspaper or internet site without seeing a headline that doesn’t indirectly poke fun about his manhood.

Examples:

“Weiner Needs To Pull Out” (of the mayoral race.. just wanted to clarify as this is a family friendly blog).

“Shrinkage” (referring to his poll numbers after the latest accusations).

“Weiner’s Pickle” (the dilemma he now finds himself in).

or how about this ambiguous headline:

“Poll: 78% of Young Women approve of Weiner”

Don’t get me wrong, I found many of these headlines to be hilarious (and well deserved, all things considered), but enough is enough. Mr. Weiner, please pull out… uhm… withdrawl.. uhm. Oh, you know what I mean – Just get out of the race already!

It’s shocking that in an age of instant knowledge, NSA spying and whistle blowing Mr. Weiner believed he could keep this stuff secret and still run for political office (in New York City no less). Apparently, he doesn’t get what the rest of us already know. To the media, SEX is like chum for hungry sharks. They LIVE for stories like this (just ask guys like Bill Clinton, John Edwards and Mark Sanford). To say that he didn’t know ahead of time is naive at best and at worst, proof positive that Mr. Weiner has no regard for the people he wants to represent.

Then you have Eliot Spitzer claiming Weiner’s not fit to be Mayor. This from a married man (himself also once again running for office) who regularly had call girls pay him a visit while he was Governor of New York.

But perhaps the most ironic thing of all was this Tweet I saw from the Associated Press:

tweet

For those who don’t know: “The Good Wife” is a TV series that focuses on Alicia Florrick (Julianna Margulies), whose husband Peter Florrick, a former state’s attorney, has been jailed following a very public sex and corruption scandal. The series was partly inspired by the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal, as well as by other prominent American political sex scandals.

I guess it’s nice to know that Ms. Margulies can relate to Weiner’s loyal spouse, since she does play a fictional version of someone like her on TV. But having this featured as one a major new outlet’s main headlines??

I’m beginning to think this is all one big episode of The Twilight Zone.

Books, Life

Doodle Book Signing

When I arrived, the line had already stretched out the door and seemed like it just went on for miles. I remember at the time being filled with so much emotion that for a split second I actually considered just turning around and going back.

Moravian

And that was just the line at the Starbucks….

Seriously, it was one of the best days ever. Yesterday, Michele Quinn and I signed copies of “Doodle” together for the very first time. It’s the book the two of us had spent the better part of a year working on together. If you’ve been a regular reader of this blog, you probably already know the story. But if you’d like to read about it again, Click Here.

Michele Meets Doodle
Michele Meets The “Real” Doodle

Michele had driven all the way in from Ohio to spend the afternoon signing copies of the book with me at The Moravian Book Shop; a Bethlehem bookstore that was founded in 1745 and is considered the oldest in the country. If you’re ever in the area, I highly suggest you check it out.

One of the coolest parts of the day actually happened even before we arrived at the bookstore. Prior to heading off to the signing, Michele finally had the opportunity to meet the “star” of the book she’s been doodling about for months (See Pic above).

Any new author will tell you they’re nervous before their very first book signing and for me, this was no exception. I suppose the biggest fear is going in with every intention of leaving with writer’s cramp from signing your name, but believing you’ll end up just sitting there alone at your table. But shortly after we arrived, an elderly gentleman came up to our little kiosk and inquired about the book. He browsed through it and listened to us discuss what it was about and wound up buying two copies for his grandchildren. With that “first sale” weight off our shoulders so quickly, the rest was a piece of cake.

Me and Michele
Me and Michele

There may not have been a line out the door, but over the next two hours Michele and I saw a steady stream of people. Some locals were just looking, while others happened to stumble upon us and wanted to hear the story and buy a copy of the book. We also had a mother come in with her teenage son who had just gotten back from a nature conservation camp and wanted to buy a copy. And then there were the friends and former classmates who came by to offer support and have their own copies signed.

To some it might have seemed like a small event, but for us this really was a really big deal. Especially when you consider the fact that Michele and I wrote this book without seeing each other at all. In fact, yesterday was the very first time we were together since we decided to write it. Everything from brainstorming ideas to illustrating to revisions were all done via email, Facebook and texting.

When the signing was over, Michele and I did what friends and classmates often do: hopped in the car and literally took a stroll down memory lane. We got in my car with another friend and drove past some of our old schools and “stomping” grounds. Places we used to frequent as kids growing up, and many of which Michele hadn’t seen in years. It was yet another surreal moment.

I guess the moral of this particular story is that dreams do come true, but sometimes in unexpected ways. Back in 1988, the only dream I had was becoming the next Bon Jovi. So if you would have told me back then that 25 years later I’d be sitting in a bookstore signing copies of a children’s book I had written with Michele, I would have thought you were nuts. But now, if given the option of stadium touring or writing books with one of the best people I know, I’ll choose the latter every time.

Interview, Life

Inspirational People: Michele Quinn

OKCI’ve written over 360 articles since starting my blog over two years ago. During this time, I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing many artists, directors and musicians about their current and upcoming projects. My blog has also been a haven for my own musings and ramblings on everything from high school memories to home movies.

But of all the things I rant about and all the people I’ve interviewed, the articles that I’m most proud of are the ones where I get a chance to speak with someone who has really made a difference in this world. And such is the case with this one: my interview with my classmate, co-author and friend, Michele Quinn.

When disaster strikes, we as a society are inclined to come together and do whatever we can to lend support. Usually, we’ll donate things like money, blood and articles of clothing to various charities, but unfortunately (for many reasons) often have to leave it to others to provide the one thing we ourselves are unable to: our time.

On the afternoon of May 20th, 2013 an EF5 tornado, with peak winds estimated at 210 miles per hour, struck the town of Moore, Oklahoma; killing 24 people and injuring 377 others. The tornado was estimated to be 1.3 miles wide at its peak and stayed on the ground for 39 minutes over a 17-mile path, crossing through a heavily populated section of Moore.

After witnessing the horrific events that were unfolding, Michele (who had always donated and helped raise money at home) decided to physically get involved and take part in the relief effort. Together with a friend and her son, they drove over 1,000 miles from their home in Ohio to the ravaged Oklahoma town to assist total strangers any way that they could.

What follows is her story.

As I sit here now and contemplate Michele’s actions, I am reminded of how one person really can make a difference. When I read about her experiences and see the pictures she took, I am quickly overcome with emotion. She’s set an inspirational example the rest of us need to follow, and for that I am so proud of her.

When you first witnessed what was going on with the storms in Moore, what was your initial reaction?

My initial reaction was fear and sorrow; so much that I spent a great deal of the evening crying. I prayed that people would be safe; especially the children and teachers at the two elementary schools that were leveled by the tornado.

OKC12

Considering that you live 1,000 miles away, what prompted you to decide take part in the relief effort?

I’ve always felt the desire to assist in disaster relief every time a tragic event like this occurs. Whether it was the tornado that hit northern Ohio three years ago, the tragedy in Joplin, MO, or as recently as Hurricane Sandy last year. While I would always make it a point to donate to the American Red Cross and collect donations to drop off at local collection sites, it never felt like I was doing enough. 

So as my husband, Patrick and I were lying in bed watching the horror unfolding on the news, I made the comment that I wanted to go help. Patrick’s reply was ”Then why don’t you?” It took all of two seconds for me to post on Facebook that I needed a travel partner to go with me, so who was game?

OKC15

Many folks said that they wished they could do it, but understandably could not. That was me many times in the past. But I had finally completed my stint three days earlier as a full-time student as well as doing an internship and was in a position to go give whatever I could offer, despite the fact that I was scared to death of what I might see, hear and feel. One of my good friends and her teenage son were able to go with me, which turned out to be a blessing.

OKC13

Knowing full-well that I am not a first-responder, I had no intention of hauling out there immediately since I’d only be in the way. And as anyone who knows me will tell you, I would need to plan the bejeebers out of a trip like this. Some might also think that I was doing this just for attention or a “pat on the back”, but that was never the case. Several people even tried to discourage me from going.

When you arrived in Moore, what was your first impression of what happened there?

It was strange on that first day. We arrived three weeks after the tornado struck and had to stay in the Tulsa area, as there were no hotels were available in Oklahoma City. We also had to drive two hours back and forth each day to Moore. All we noticed along the way were some lopsided light posts and a few odd items lying on the side of the highway outside of OKC.

I even remember that we were all marveling at how much clean up must have already been done before we arrived. Even when we entered the school parking lot where the church that we were working through was stationed [Everyday Church], we still saw nothing amiss. It wasn’t until we were sent out to canvas neighborhoods to find anyone who needed supplies that the impact of what happened hit us. I know this may sound cliché, but it was literally like entering a war zone.

OKC3

What was your day-to-day activity?

Our daily job included unloading a supply trailer that was set up in the school parking lot so people could come by and take whatever they needed; toiletries, diapers, dog food, baby food, etc. We also organized the trailer and loaded it back up at the end of each day. We were then sent out to people’s homes to assist in debris cleanup, which was often brutal given the 95 degree heat.

OKC1

Tell me about some of the people you met there.

We met an amazing number of people. The two pastors we met from Everyday Church were staying in temporary housing. There’s is a brand new church that wasn’t supposed to open until August, and hence the reason they were in a school parking lot.

OKC10We helped a woman named Karen move out of her rental apartment because she was given literally 4 days notice that she had to be out of her place. The poor girl was at her wit’s end; trying to make it happen with no truck, no people to help her and no storage unit to put her furniture in while she temporarily stayed with her mother. Had she not made the connection with Everyday Church, she would have lost nearly everything she owned.

We also met an older couple who have withstood many tornadoes over the years. They were actually able to get their property cleaned up after the storms on May 20th, but the next round of tornadoes the following week deposited debris all over it again. They opened their home to us and even showed us their storm shelter, which my friend and her son explored. 

OKC7Overall, we couldn’t have met kinder, more appreciative folks. Everywhere we looked, there were people helping others out. From the Red Cross canvasing farm lands with a meal truck to feed anyone who needed it, to one young man who miraculously showed up with a truck to help us move Karen, even though he had to go to court as a witness for something.

What did you take away from your experience?

What struck me the most about the experience is the resilience of the Okies; the love people have for complete strangers and that things are really just that…’things’.

It’s the lives in this world that matter more than anything else.

Some of the people we met initially referred to having been abandoned by God. But after surviving the devastation, and with the arrival of a few strangers into their lives, instead of understandably feeling bitter and angry, they’ve come to believe that God really is in everyone, if they only choose to see.

Please visit this website to learn more on how you can help.

Life, Thought and Opinion

Bugged
The elusive 17 year periodical cicada.
The (so far) elusive 17 year periodical cicada.

What’s all the hub bub about these periodical cicadas? Legend has it that once every seventeen years, these little buggers come out from their little hole in the ground, make a bunch of racket to attract a mate and then disappear for another seventeen years or so.

Well, we’re well past their arrival time here in the northeast and so far, I haven’t seen a single one. Curious, I decided to do a little research and find out a little more about them. I got this information from Wikipedia:

Magicicada is the genus of the 17-year periodical cicadas of eastern North America. Although they are sometimes called “locusts”, this is a misnomer as cicadas belong to the taxonomic order Homoptera, while locusts belong to Orthoptera.

Magicicada spend most of their 17-year lives underground feeding on xylem fluids from the roots of deciduous forest trees in the eastern United States. After 17 years, mature cicada nymphs emerge at any given locality, synchronously and in tremendous numbers. After such a prolonged developmental phase, the adults are active for about 4 to 6 weeks The males aggregate into chorus centers and attract females for mating. Within two months of the original emergence, the life cycle is complete, the eggs have been laid and the adult cicadas are gone for another 17 years.

What a boring description. I’ve always been more into relating something with sociology rather than science. So I suppose that’s why this funny thought occurred to me. Even though I’ve yet to see one of these little creatures, I began to contemplate the possibility of their behavior pattern existing in humans.

Think about it. What if a man lived in his man cave and only ventured out once every seventeen years for a little nook-nook? As long as the bills were paid and the lawn was mowed, I wonder how many married women would mind?

The pattern would probably go something like this:

Dude comes up from downstairs after watching nearly two decades worth of Fast and Furious movies and sports. He starts singing a Justin Bieber tune (an annoying sound similar to the one the bugs produce). Then the woman says, “It’s been seventeen years already? Oh, alright! You’ve got ten minutes. But then you better get your ass back downstairs and not come back until your kid graduates high school.”

It could happen.

1980's, Life, Music

A Different Take: My M3 Festival Review

m3fYesterday, I attended my very first hair-metal festival: The M3 held in Columbia, Maryland. The two-day event brings out some of the greatest bands from the decade of decadence and each year, seems to get bigger and bigger.

This years show included JSRG (featuring the ladies of Vixen), Twisted Sister, Firehouse and too many more to mention. But needless to say, MANY of them are my favorites and some of the bands I’ve never seen in concert before.

Rather than just write a review of the festival (besides to say that it was AWESOME), I’d rather submit to you three rules that I feel are a must for anyone attending an 80’s metal event.

1. Always be prepared to tell war stories: When you attend any concert, especially a festival like M3, always be prepared to tell tales from your glory days. Because let’s face it, if you attended a show back in ‘the day’, you’ve got stories to tell. Maybe it was seeing how far you could get backstage before security escorted you out. Maybe it was the ritual of wearing the concert shirt you bought at the show to school the next day (proof that you were there). Or maybe it was asking yourself why the band didn’t perform your favorite, most obscure album track that night. Whatever the reason, be ready at all times to discuss it. Oh, and don’t be one of those people who only offers up conversation to complete strangers when asked. Look for openings to tell your stories.

Ex. Yesterday at M3, I noticed some guy wearing a t-shirt with a logo for the band Hurricane, and I immediately gave the “Nice Shirt” salutation. Hurricane was one of my favorite bands back in the late 80’s who’s lead singer (Kelly Hansen) is now the lead singer of Foreigner. We exchanged pleasantries and I told him that I remember seeing Hurricane back in 1987; the first concert where I was in the front row. Even though the band has been dissolved for more than twenty years, he started rambling off songs that were his favorites (many were mine too). Needless to say, it made for a great conversation with a total stranger.

If only countries at war with each other could use this same kind of logic to resolve their differences, the world would be a much better place.

Me12. Dress to impress (to an extent): Any metal fan will tell you that it’s ok to dress-up for a metal concert. Yep, it’s still cool to see girls who tease their hair; and wearing old concert t-shirts is an absolute must (and can even spark conversations – see rule #1). But, please bear in mind that this is not the 80’s anymore. Sadly, we are thirty years removed from our glory days.

So whether it’s a hair metal concert you’re attending or driving your kids to the mall, common courtesy still suggests that large, saggy-boobed women and thick in the middle men take care of these concerns prior to venturing out in public. In other words, we don’t have the same bodies that we did when we were teenagers; and just because it’s M3, that doesn’t mean you should (literally) let it all hang out. There was a little too much of that going on for my liking. (Hint: black tends to cover these things quite well. Just sayin’).

3. Enjoy the moment. The best thing for me about M3 was the experience itself. Many of these bands I have never seen before or have heard anything from in years, and it left me with mixed emotion. But halfway through their set, Twisted Sister guitarist Jay Jay French stopped the show and spoke to the audience about today’s music.

He said that although there certainly is a place for people on the reality shows like American Idol and The Voice; he was offended that these same people (who’ve never paid their dues) continue to thank their “fans” for sticking with them the past four weeks by continuing to vote for them. To the loudest applause of the entire M3 Festival, French then raised his hands to the thousands of people in the audience and said, “Let’s see if they’ll still be doing it in 30 years like you all! The greatest fans ever!”

It made me lament even more never having had the opportunity to see the band in their prime. But on the three-hour drive home, I took comfort in the fact that not only could I now scratch Twisted Sister off of my list of having seen, but even more importantly: I know that the music I love is still safe and sound.