Movies and TV, Thought and Opinion

What We Should Learn From The Netflix Debacle

I don’t know about you, but I’m a lazy ass. When I want something, I want it NOW. I don’t want to toast my bread anymore or have to brush my teeth manually. I’m all about convenience. I’d much prefer to go into the kitchen every morning and push a button from a menu board and it would magically appear. And I’d rather just stand there and open my mouth while an electronic machine got my whites all pearly.

I mean, c’mon this is the twenty-first century here right? Even George Jetson assumed we’d all be driving cars that could fly and using robots as maids by now. Is it too hard to ask for a little convenience?

But my biggest beef isn’t really about toast or teeth. It’s about something much more important. MOVIES.

When I read about the whole Netflix debacle I was stunned. I mean, here was a tiny upstart company who literally put the goliath stores Blockbuster and Hollywood Video out of business with just this simple idea:

Maybe people don’t want to drive to get their movies. What if we mailed DVDs to their house and they could send it back whenever they want? And what if we used the power of the Internet to stream movies into their homes when ever they wanted?

The idea was brilliant and Jetson like. I don’t know about you but I certainly don’t sit at work all day long and decide I’m going to watch a movie that night. Unless it involves going to the theater for a new release watching a movie is a spur of the moment thing. Something you decide to do while perusing the channels.

And quite frankly, when I want to watch a movie the LAST thing I want to do is have to order a DVD online and then trudge out to the local grocery store and wait in a line at the Red Box machine to pick it up. And please don’t get me started on the old biddies that hold up the line by standing at the machine and just browsing. The Netflix model was right up my alley.

But then corporate greed took over and they blew it. NetFlix decided a few months ago to nearly double their monthly fees and split the company into two parts. One for DVD’s by mail and the other for their streaming service they would rename Qwikster. And that’s when everyone ran for the hills.

After much public outcry and seeing their stock price plummet, NetFlix “Qwiksterly” eight-sixed the idea of separate companies and will keep them as one (but will still keep the new pricing thank you very much). All of this now means the progress of my Jetson movie watching will be delayed.

So what should we learn from this? That it’s high time we give the people what they want. I really don’t understand why these companies can’t get it together. It’s not hard to figure out. If you’re listening, here’s is what I want:

I want to sit down in front of my 50″ television, click on a menu button and watch ANY movie or TV show ever made when ever I want.

I’m talking anything not newly released. I don’t care how they do it. Get all the movie studios into one room and make it happen. There’s free money to be made. Get people interested in the old catalog again. Sure, there’s no market for releasing DVD’s from 1970’s game shows but if it was streamed as part of a package I bet there would be.

Chances are good that people who stumble upon a movie they haven’t seen in ten years will stream it on a whim rather than dig through a pile of old DVDs. There’s no time for that and we shouldn’t have to do that anymore anyway.

Stream absolutely EVERYTHING!  From the first episode of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood to Star Wars. I want it all, and I want it NOW. Charge me something like $34.99 a month (you’ve got to love the way making it a penny less than $35 psychologically makes it look cheaper) and I’ll be happy.

It’s coming. Sooner rather than later I hope because I’m tired of making my own toast, brushing my own teeth and standing in line at the RedBox.

I can just picture George Jetson turning over in his grave right about now.

 

 

Cereal, Childhood Memories, Thought and Opinion

I’ve Figured It Out: My Letter To General Mills

Mr. Kendall J. Powell (CEO)
General Mills, Inc.
P.O. Box 9452
Minneapolis, MN 55440

Dear Mr. Powell and Associates of General Mills:

I’ve figured it out and I know what you’re up to. You probably thought I’d never find out your dirty little secret didn’t you? I know you’ve waited 40 years to launch your master plan to prey on the innocent youth of America but I am here to tell you that I won’t let you win.

It all started in 1971 and I can just imagine your evil minions all concocting the scheme. Releasing Monster Cereals in the hopes of eventually controlling the heart and mind of all good children and like a fool I drank the Kool-Aid. You knew I couldn’t resist the combination of chocolate and vampires.

You waited silently while the children grew into adults. It was the perfect scheme: An entire generation willfully consuming the goodness of Count Chocula, Frankenberry and Boo Berry.

It wasn’t until last Summer that you put your master plan into effect. Slowly taking the cereals loved by millions off of the shelves of the grocery store. Little by little both myself and the other children of the disco generation saw their old friends disappear. You knew it was only a matter of time before you would control them.

I began scouring the country-side for chocolately goodness. I even thought of paying outrageous prices online in attempt to fuel the fix you started. I would have done anything.

But then you made your one fatal mistake. Something you didn’t count on.

Unbeknownst to you, a large stash of Count, Frank and Boo managed to make their way to the grocery shelves in time for Halloween. Stores began selling them at a discounted rate in attempt to deplete their inventories before the Feds showed up and I purchased as much contraband as I could to stock up for the Winter.

So why you may have gotten others to bow before the Big G you’ll NEVER get me. I’ve got enough of Monster Cereal to see me through next Summer and beyond.

Eat that.

Sincerely Yours,

Fruit Brute

Things I Think

Five Things I Think: The Five Scariest Movies of All Time

I was making plans to see Paranomal Activity 3 this weekend and was heartened to see that it recieved a 77%  rating on RottenTomatoes.com (which qualifies it as “fresh”). I take the “fresh” ratings as a sign that I’ll most likely enjoy the movie and Rotten Tomatoes has never let me down. But then I noticed an article they had. It was for Rotten Tomatoes ranking of the 75 Scariest Horror movies of all time.  After checking out their list and seeing that King Kong was #1 I was not impressed. KING KONG?? Someone is trippin’ at Rotten Tomatoes.

For me, a scary movie is one that scares the crap out of you. One that makes you so scared you couldn’t bear to watch it again but can’t resist. So without further adieu, here you go. My choices for the Top 5 Scariest Movies of All Time.

5. Dracula (1931): It has got to be the original. No phony remakes will do. Since it’s release there hasn’t been a single vampire movie that’s come close to being as scary (and YES that IS a knock on the Twilight series).  Costing only $355,000 to make and at just slightly over an hour in length this eighty-year old film still scares the crap out of me.

 

 

 

 

4. The Exorcist (1973). The pea soup, head spinning around classic. This movie I could never bring myself up to watch. It was so scary that I could only watch it in parts and to this I think I’ve only ever seen it once from start to finish.

 

 

 

 

3. The Sixth Sense (1999) This movie would have placed much higher but the scare factor fell just a bit short. This was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. It’s one of those ones that leads you down a path of thinking one way and then pulls the rug out from under you at the very end. So much so that at the end you’re torn between being scared and pissed off that you didn’t figure it out earlier. Brilliant!

 

 

 

 

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): It took quite a long time for me to work my way up to watching the very first Freddy movie but the whole idea that a monster would get you when you sleep was such a great plot. As usual though, Hollywood ruined it by making a half-dozen sequels. Oh and here’s an interesting fact: did you know that Nightmare on Elm Street was the first movie for a little known actor named Johnny Depp?  Now you do.

 

 

 

 

1. Halloween (1978): This one is FREAKING scary. I remember listening to that creepy intro music and the hairs on my arm would stand up and make me hide my eyes. Just the way that Michael Myers was “there” and then the next time you look he’s “gone” creeped me out.

I remember growing up and watching this movie with my best friend. He was my neighbor who lived down over the hill from me.  I asked him about it not too long ago and this is what  he had to say. Pretty much sums it all up:

 

 

 

I must’ve been like 13 and watched my first “scary movie” up at your place. Halloween …..Of course we didn’t watch it in the middle of the afternoon or anything….We didn’t get done watching that until about midnight…..I ran down that hill to my place in the pitch dark so fast….I think I would’ve beaten Usain Bolt down that hill that night….if I would’ve run into a tree, I would’ve killed myself. Got home, went to bed, laid there looking all over the room for about an hour….couldn’t calm myself down and ran to the bathroom for a puking session….then went to sleep. Ha! They just can’t make movies like that anymore.

When a movie can make you run like hell, keep you awake and make you puke…it’s mission accomplished as far as I’m concerned. And he’s right, they just don’t make movies like that anymore.

Thought and Opinion

My Apologies

I’m sorry to have to write this. No, really I am. I just can’t take it anymore and I really thought you should know. It’s not for anything you or I did personally. I just feel the need to apologize for what we as a society have become.

Yesterday I noticed an article on the home page of the FoxNews.com website that made me cringe. With all the issues going on in this world: The republican debates, the Occupy Wall Street bunch (no matter which side of the fence you’re on), the Iranian assassination attempt, the wars… take your pick or make up your own. The list goes on and there’s a plethora of topics that should be discussed.

But with all of these issues facing us as Americans what was the top story yesterday afternoon on FoxNews.com? Susan Sarandon making comments about the Pope and calling him a Nazi and how Catholics have demanded she apologize.

Susan Sarandon?? You mean the chick from the Thelma and Louise movie? The woman who used to be some what relevant when she was married to Tim Robbins and who now peddles the benefits of drinking milk? THIS was the headline that was more important than anything else?

I’m sure some of you would tell me that because she is famous and has a bunch of “followers” she should therefore say she’s sorry for her words but I beg to differ. The fact of the matter is, she knew what she was going to say and what might happen but chose to say it anyway. So let the chips fall where they may.

Why should she apologize if that’s how she really feels? I say crucify her if you must. If you feel passionate about it then how about not going to see her movies or maybe boycotting milk in your cereal for the next week as a sign of protest? Sounds silly right? So does having her standing in front of dozens of tv cameras saying she’s sorry for her words or having her work soup kitchens in the Catholic church. Is that really going to change the way she feels? Is her doing this going to make it “all better”? Hardly.

Here’s something else to consider: I think the real issue here isn’t so much about her hateful words. It’s the fact that members of the media tend to use calls for half-hearted apologies and “reform” methods just to further embarrass and promote their own agenda rather than rehabilitate.

Why else would a “news” story about a left-leaning liberal like Susan Sarandon be front and center on the right leaning “Fox” website? Ironically, some of the same people who are railing against Ms. Sarandon’s words and would get their jollies reading about her turmoil have themselves probably called President Obama a Nazi at some point.

So, I’m sorry for having to put you through this. I’m sorry if you think people who make comments like these will change feelings they’ve held all of their lives overnight. I tend to believe that it might be quite a while before Ms. Sarandon apologizes for her ugly comments and quite frankly, that doesn’t bother me.

I mean, heck I’m still waiting for my Mom to apologize to me for lying about Santa Claus.

Things I Think

Five Things I Think: The 5 Worst Movies of All Time

I’m no film aficionado by any stretch of the imagination but I think I know a thing or two about bad movies when I see them (or make the attempt to see them). I’ve always been a huge action, adventure and horror/suspense junkie but over the years my will has been tested as I’ve seen some real doozies with things like pesky kids (Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom), horrendous acting (Friday the 13th Part what ever you want) and plot lines that would make your sick to your stomach (try watching the movie Alive – the only movie that made me nauseous and claustrophobic).

But I don’t base my opinion on character, the film score or even directing. Nope, for me only one of two criteria must be met in order for a film to be dubbed HORRIBLE:

One: If during the course of watching the movie I want to literally get up and leave.  Something not really smart considering you may have shelled out a bunch of money to see that you thought would be much better.

This actually happened to me on two occasions and on one of them I was successful in walking out. That was the wonderful film Hellraiser II. If you ever get a chance to see it, don’t. It sucks. But I still get a chuckle thinking about walking out of the 25th Street Theater yelling “THIS MOVIE BLOWS!”

The second movie I wasn’t so lucky at escaping from mainly because I was with a company of people. Hence, that particular movie has been dubbed my Worst Movie of All Time (as you’ll see).

The other criteria that indicates a bad film to me is if while watching the movie I fall asleep. I can probably name dozens of movies where this occurred but I’ve narrowed down my list to five to keep from dozing off again.

You may notice while reading this list that a lot of my stinkers ended in 2008. I take pride in knowing that my viewing habits seem to have gotten better.

Let’s get to the heart of this post. I present to you the FIVE most horrible movies of ALL TIME:

5. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994): There was a time when I would see every single Nightmare on Elm Street as fast it came out. I’m still not sure why as they were all pretty terrible. I definitely reached my limit when this atrocious movie came out and I still to this day have absolutely no idea what it was about. And I don’t plan on watching it again any time soon to find out.

4. Jaws: The Revenge (1987): If it has anything to do with JAWS you know I’m there. This was the first movie I saw being a high school graduate. After that mistake they should have rescinded my diploma and made me repeat 12th grade. Who in their right mind would believe a shark would follow someone from the northeast to the Bahamas? Apparently the same people who’d construct the most fake looking shark ever caught on film and try to pass it off as real.

3. The Happening (2008). I wanted to like this movie. I mean, I REALLY wanted to like this movie. I loved the Sixth Sense and kept trying to give director M.Night Shyamalan a pass. But since the “I see dead people” movie he has continued to disappoint.  In fact several of his movies including Unbreakable, Signs and The Village could all be listed here. But I chose The Happening because it is quite possibly the worst acting I’ve ever seen in a movie.  I’m not kidding, it’s bad.

2. Twilight (2008). I will NEVER understand why women love these films so much. I forced myself to read the first book. I forced myself to watch the first film at home on DVD. I fell asleep 1/4 of the way through. Now you KNOW a movie is bad when going to bed at 8:30pm on the weekend sounds more appealing than watching a movie with awesome microwave popcorn.

Drum roll please?….. I now present to you the worst movie of ALL time…..

1. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997). Without a doubt the most atrocious film ever made. I really enjoyed the original Speed and the whole notion of a bus blowing up if it goes under 55 mph. But Sandra Bullock on a boat? Eh, not so much.
It was a warm summer evening in 1997 when I saw it and I wanted to leave SO badly. I could not leave. I was with people and it would be embarrassing. I forced myself to stay. In retrospect, I probably would have been better off saying I had to go to the bathroom and hanging out next to the urinal all night. That’s how bad it was. I still lament losing every one of those 121 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. In fact, just me reminiscing about how horrible it is has cost me an additional ten more minutes of life. So I’m finished discussing it.

So there you have it. The five worst movies of all time as dubbed by me. I’m sure there are plenty of movies that meet this criteria for you as well.  So please feel free to add your own or challenge my list. I’m always interested in learning about movies I need to avoid.

Thought and Opinion

Coffee

I was trying to think of a witty title for this entry. “Ode to Coffee”, “Java-Licious” and “Joe Momma” all came to mind. But in the end I simply decided that the single word speaks for itself and should not be tampered with.

I’m talking about coffee. That wonderful dark brewed beverage with a slightly acidic flavor that’s prepared from the roasted seeds of the coffee plant, colloquially called coffee beans. The drink that starts every morning off for me (and one that goes great along side a bowl of Count Chocula if you really want to know).

I can just imagine the joy the early Ethiopian settlers must have had when they brewed their first pot over an open flame. As the sun rose over the African terrain and they took that first sip I’m sure it was probably equivalent to that of when man first discovered fire and invented bacon. And centuries later we’re still giving thanks.

Having been around for such a long time might make one take the glory of coffee for granted. But not me. I don’t just blindly pour a cup from a pot in the office kitchen. For me, coffee is much more than just a drink. Coffee is an experience. Half of the fun of drinking coffee is in the camaraderie of getting into a car with a bunch of your friends and making the excursion to obtain the nectar of the Gods.

I know that there are some heathens out there who like to ruin the coffee experience by putting things like whipped cream and sprinkles into their cup of joe. These folks should have their java card taken away. Sweetness is necessary but not at the expense of turning coffee into ice-cream.

But how do you make a perfect cup of coffee? I’m glad you asked. There are actually only four steps needed to obtain the proper cup of coffee from any reputable coffee establishment:

1. Order a 20 oz (or Venti) sized coffee. Always go for the big size. If you are going to enjoy coffee it’s best to not go too small where you’ll be wanting more when your finished. Upon your last sip you should be completely satisfied with your coffee consumption. Not too little. Not too much. Just right. You know, like Goldilocks.

2. Under no circumstances should you allow a barista to place sugars/cream into your coffee. Always take it black and prepare it yourself.

3. Pour in the equivalent of two creamers. Coffee should have a slight milky consistency. Not too dark. Never allow a Dunkin Donuts barista to add cream. Their “2” creams are more equivalent to “30”. I want to drink coffee, not milk.

4. Add six packets of Equal to taste. Add half packet extra if necessary.

I know. You’re probably thinking “What kind of man puts Equal in his coffee?” And all I can say to that is “Don’t Hate”. As I’ve said before, a little sweetness is very much necessary and encouraged.

So the next time you’re standing in line at Starbucks, in the Mickey Dees drive-thru or putting a K-Cup into your Keurig remember to give thanks to those tribesmen who made it possible all those centuries ago. There’s is a gift we never will be able to repay.

And last and most importantly: always enjoy responsibly.

Thought and Opinion

Sunday in Seattle

Today is my last day in the Pacific Northwest and truth be told although I’m excited to see the Seattle Seahawks play today ( the main reason I made the 2,500 mile three time zone trek), I am also missing home.

I’ve spent most of the past few days exploring the Emerald City and catching up with some old friends. I made a promise to myself to do two mandatory things on this trip in an effort to save money: not rent a car and stay in a hostel. Once the plane landed I was able to make good on the first promise. I bypassed the car rental counters and passed through the garage to the Light Link Rail.

There is a new train line that takes you from the SeaTac airport to pretty much anywhere you want to go in Seattle. For $2.75 a trip you just can’t beat it. I quickly hopped aboard with my backpack and made my way to University Street.

I then walked the last few blocks to Pike Place and checked in at The Green Tortoise Hostel (which is directly across from the world-famous market).

Hostels are quaint, little rooms with little more than a common area, a bunch of bunk beds in each room and a bathroom. I thought of it as a college dormitory. Since I planned to explore the sights most of my stay and not be stuck in the room watching HBO or uh, some of those “other channels” it sure beat paying four times the price for a room in a hotel. Ironically, some of my roomies turned out to be from Canada and were also in town for the game so it worked out ok.

Since the sun was shining upon my arrival, I quickly made my way to the Space Needle and took the ride 605 feet to the top where I admired the panoramic view of the downtown region and beyond. The weather in the distance was a tad bit cloudy but I was still able to make out Mount Rainier off in the distance.

 Someone once told me that on the clearest of days in addition to the wonderful views of the Rainier volcano you can also see Alaska and Canada. (I got a Sarah Palin sort of chuckle out of that comment).

I also wandered around Pioneer Square, perused the freshness of Pike Place Market (yes, I saw them throw the fish) and drank enough Starbucks and Tully’s to last a lifetime.

 

The Seattle waterfront really is a sight to behold. From pretty much any vantage point you can see the Cascade mountains on the horizon. I watched the sun set beyond the range and heard the roar of the traffic on the highway as people busily get to wherever people need to get to be. I took in a deep breath and wondered how with all of this hustle and bustle, people could possibly just drive on and ignore something so beautiful? Stop and smell the roses couldn’t be any more truer than now.

Yesterday I took a bus to nearby Tacoma to visit a friend I hadn’t seen in a few years. Skies were gray and as the bus rolled along I-5  I watched the rain droplets roll down my window. At that point I realized that maybe I was now officially experiencing the Seattle everyone was telling me about.

And I love it.

Thought and Opinion

Seattle – Day One

It’s finally here. My first trip to Seattle in eleven years. A long day of travel is in store for me but I’m looking forward to coffee, football and seeing friends I haven’t seen in a long, long time.

I’ll be posting daily blog entries here on WordPress about my trip to the Pacific Northwest. If you want to follow along with my excursions more frequently, check out my Twitter (@JimEWood) or Tumblr pages. (jimewood.tumblr.com).

Let’s GO!

Thought and Opinion

Time is Not On My Side

Why can’t there be more time? There is so much I want to do but never enough time to do it.

Here is my agenda for today: Finishing this little blog and cup of coffee, mow the grass, clean the upstairs bathroom and go to my daughter’s 4 hour double-header softball game. By that time the day will pretty much be shot. Oh, and I’ll still have to make sure the family and animals are fed and try to squeeze in an hour of gym time as I’ve been slacking in that department the past few days.

Inevitably though, before I know it, the day will be done and another work week will be upon me. What I really need is more time.

We all wish we had more time for the typical things we need to do like cleaning the house, mowing the lawn or spending some (or more) time at the gym. But what about all those other things we could accomplish if we only had thirty hours in a day instead of twenty-four?

Maybe you might have a notion of going back to school and learning a new skill, writing your own Great American novel or even volunteering some of that time to a worthy cause. All noble ideas but time waits for no one.

Sometimes not having enough time can be very frustrating. Take me for instance. Here are a few personal things I’ve been struggling with for years. Things I know I could accomplish if only I had more time:

Playing guitar: I’ve been playing since the age of 15 and still haven’t figured it out the way I want to yet. When you first start learning you are taught all of these scales. Repetitive patterns you play over and over again in different variations. I had no problem with that.

My main problem is trying to break out of these patterns when playing. It frustrates me to no end when I get to a point when performing where it’s time for a solo and all that pops in my head is the pentatonic minor scale. It’s something I just can’t seem to break out of. I suppose some guitar lessons would help me straighten this out once and for all but when am I going to find time for that?

Karate: When I first saw the movie Karate Kid ( I mean the original one from 1984 and not the bogus one with Will Smith’s kid) I wanted to break boards and faces. I could name names of people who I wanted to open a can of whoop ass on. But I’d follow Miyagi’s rule of being for self-defense only (of course)..

Problem is, when a fourteen year old boy has to go to karate lesson every week with little to no progress well that was too much for me. There was no time for that. So, like many other things I regret, I bailed on it. I wanted immediate results. I mean, seriously, what happened to wax-on, wax-off?

Painting: I do still enjoy painting on occasion. I wish there were more hours in the day for me to delve into it like I used to do. Back when I had no responsibilities other than play Dungeons and Dragons and go to school.

This is how interested I was in painting: My parents couldn’t afford to buy a $200 easel for me to paint properly. Fortunately though, we did have one of those adjustable rolling hospital trays lying around. I’d raise the tray to a proper height. Next I’d take an old outside folding picnic chair and angle it in an upside down “V’ configuration on top of the. Finally, I’d lean my canvas on the chair and VOILA…instant ghetto easel.

I have to admit, it surely took some skills to not knock the canvas off but I managed to paint some cool little diddies on it.

I think if Congress ever authorizes more hours in a day (and surely they can since they can do everything else) there will eventually be a real easel sitting in my basement. Bob Ross would be proud.

Writing: I’ve written plenty of songs and stories over the years. But for every one that I’ve written there are at least three that are incomplete.

Maybe someday I’ll get around to breaking out of the guitar rut, learning karate, painting properly and finishing some incomplete writing. I just need time to be on my side.

What are some of the things you’d like to do if you only had more time?